I made a very difficult call today. I withdrew my name from consideration in a search for a job that seemed, on paper, to be the perfect fit for me. But let me back up a minute.
About six months ago, I decided to pursue life outside of academia and go back to the “real” world. I began to wrap up client projects, complete contracts and stopped doing business development in anticipation of discontinuing my consulting work. I told my department chair and even talked to a lot of my students about it.
A lot of things led to this decision. The frustration of balancing school, consulting and mommyhood mounted and I decided that I couldn’t keep it up and keep my sanity. A couple of difficult clients (one that decided they didn’t want to pay their bill) helped push me over the edge.
I’ve applied for probably a dozen jobs. The job market for senior level folks in this neck of the woods is less than ideal – particularly for in-house positions. I assumed I’d have to move to Portland and was even considering Las Vegas (where my parents live).
Ups and downs, cover letter after cover letter I have been at it very steadily for about 3 months.
Then the fall teaching schedule began to circulate among the department. My heart sank. How could I give up teaching? I love it! Love, love, love it! At that point, I began bartering with myself… maybe I could still teach a class a term… maybe this or maybe that.
Last night, I literally had an epiphany. It was the middle of the night, the toddler had decided that sleeping next to mom was the way to go, and I was wide awake.
And that’s when I decided that I had to make the call.
I followed my heart. I love my students, I love my department, I love consulting (for all it’s ebbs and flows), I love Eugene and… I love my family. And despite long hours and sometimes endless days, I can always be there for my son and my significant other. Always.
I’ll post more soon about lessons learned and some things I’ve taken away from this process to bring myself back to center and feel excited about the possibilities going forward.









